to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
