Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
