I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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