The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
