that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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