So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
