The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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