Someone shit on the floor
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
My liver just had a heart attack.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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