Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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