you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
