I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
