He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
