i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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