the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
