his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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