I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
