there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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