my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize