there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
