So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
this is an emotional support booty call
Randomize
