Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
