I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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