Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
