You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
