Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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