she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
