so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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