If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
