when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize