you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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