maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
