hell yes lets make some ravioli
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
