So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
