Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
