So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
