I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize