HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
