My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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