I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
