update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
