My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
