Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
