just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
