Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
