Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
