I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
