At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
