Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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