is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
