Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize