there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I love having hate sex.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
