I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
