How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
