I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
