I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
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