Are we in a gay sports bar?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
