Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
