So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
