so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize