Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
