remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
