Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
