no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
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