she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
