i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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