So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
