I want to have your abortion
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
