He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize