She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
