awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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