Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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