It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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