you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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