he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
