Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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