i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
