My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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