So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
