i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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