We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
this hospital has no fireball
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
