i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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