Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
